


petal by petal

by gn_ily



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Decisions, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Major Illness, Mentions of Blood, My First Work in This Fandom, Oblivious, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad, Sad Ending, Sort Of, Tissue Warning, UGH they’re so dumb, Unrequited Love, best friend park jihoon, ik i made them dumb but still, kang daniel needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 15:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18346493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gn_ily/pseuds/gn_ily
Summary: No matter how many petals from however many flowers fall, the end result will always be the same. Petal by petal, he learns to accept that, inevitably, he loves him not.Sensing another wave of nausea, Daniel hastily raises his hand to cover his mouth and weakly coughs into his open palm. He lets his hand fall to his side, crushing the pale pink petals inside.Lilies used to be my favorite flower, he thinks with a heavy sigh.--Or, Daniel just wants to be loved.





	petal by petal

**Author's Note:**

> this was rlly fun to write but it also made me sad even though i’m not rlly invested in the ship. proceed with caution (for your heart’s sake lol).

The sun is completely gone now, taking any traces of light with it. The crescent moon shines brightly against the night sky dotted with faint stars. Something resembling a shooting star passes by, but it must be his imagination.

The ticking of the clock is deafening in the silent room. Tick, tock, tick, tock, almost as if it's taunting him. He doesn't bother checking the time. He can tell it's already well past dinnertime, and there are no signs of him returning anytime soon.

Before standing up and heading towards the bedroom, Daniel takes one last glance at the door, hoping that he'll open the door any second and close it behind him with an apologetic smile on his face. He's practically memorized his excuses by now. "Sorry, they gave me more paperwork" or, "I forgot about our plans. I went out to eat with a few friends" or simply, "I lost track of time." Nevertheless, Daniel returns his kiss forgivingly each time, trying to believe his words, even though his heart knows that he's merely pretending to ignore the inevitable truth. Seongwu walks past Daniel, not noticing the pain in his eyes. But it's better this way.

It's two in the morning when he hears the front door finally swing open. There are two voices, one male and one female, and then the door closes softly. It's quiet again, except for the swish of a jacket and light footsteps. His heart clenches painfully. He turns away from the bedroom door and slows his breathing, feigning sleep, although he's been wide awake this entire time, unable to fall asleep.

A few seconds pass. The door opens a crack, letting in a narrow stream of light. He hears a low creak and the doorway widens. Seongwu comes in to grabs some clothes and then leaves, closing the door behind him. Moments later, the shower water starts running.

Daniel throws the comforter off his body and pulls the handle of his nightstand. Digging beneath a few old shirts, he grabs the vial. He unscrews the lid and empties it into his palm. I need to go get more from the pharmacy, he thinks as he washes down the tablets with a glass of water.

He tosses the vial into the trash can. He's fading in and out of consciousness as soon as his head hits the pillow. Before he falls asleep, he vaguely remembers feeling the bed dip and hearing a murmured "good night."

He wakes up coughing and immediately sits up. It takes what seems like hours for the clawing at his throat to stop. When he recovers, he catches sight of the petal lying on his lap. It's small; white in the middle which gradually fades to a pale pink at the edges. He would be admiring its elegance if he wasn't so busy wondering why he had been the source of it.

"Daniel? What's wrong?" Seongwu's soft voice fills his ears.

He frantically shoves the petal under his pillow and hides it from sight. His heartbeat quickens, thumping in his chest. Daniel gives him a small smile despite the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. he reassures him that it's nothing, and Seongwu goes back to sleep without questioning it.

There's no way he'll be able to fall asleep again, so he rolls out of bed for an early start to his day. After getting ready, he heads to the kitchen to make breakfast. He makes chocolate chip pancakes, knowing those are Seongwu's favorite. It takes a while, but it's worth it if it means he can see the loving smile across Seongwu's face.

After breakfast, Seongwu disappears into their bedroom. Daniel sits at the island, mindlessly scrolling through his feed and filling his friends' posts with compliments.

He coughs out a couple of petals and quickly disposes of them. He's starting to get used to the constant dull pain in his chest and throat.

Seongwu reappears a moment later, dressed in a leather jacket over a white shirt tucked into black ripped jeans.

"Where're you going?" Daniel asks.

He doesn't look back as he pulls on his shoes. "I'm going out with Minhyun and Woojin. I'll be back before seven."

His hand is already on the doorknob when Daniel blurts out, "Wait."

Seongwu drops his hand and turns around. "Yeah?"

Daniel takes a deep breath. "Stay? Please?" His voice sounds foreign even to himself; it comes out as a desperate whisper. When Seongwu doesn't respond right away, Daniel takes it as rejection and starts to retreat back to their (or rather just his, as Seongwu's hardly home anyway) bedroom.

Right as Daniel's about to leave the room, Seongwu tugs off his shoes and runs towards him, throwing his arms around him. He melts into his embrace, far too exhausted to do anything else.

"What's wrong?" He asks for the second time today, though it sounds more concerned this time.

Instead of replying, Daniel buries his nose into his shoulder and lets the tears fall.

Everyone knows about the Hanahaki disease. When the person you love the most in the world doesn't care for you anymore, or they never did in the first place, you begin suffering from the one-sided love. A flower blossoms within you, roots and all, and you eventually choke and die from the petals and blood.

What a lovely way I'm going to die, Daniel thinks.

He ends up canceling his plans and staying. The pair settle on the couch. Seongwu is invested in the movie, but all Daniel can focus on is him. He's...

"Beautiful."

He pauses the movie. "What was that?"

Daniel flushes under his gaze. That wasn't meant to be said aloud. "Nothing," He mutters.

Seongwu turns towards him and intertwines their hands together. "Daniel, are you sure you're okay? You've been kind of off these past few days." When Daniel doesn't answer, he continues. "You can tell me anything, alright? I've known you for long enough to know something is wrong. Just tell me and I'll help you in any way I can."

Daniel snorts under his breath. How ironic, when you're the cause of this. I've always hated your obliviousness.

But yet, he just can't bring himself to blame or tell Seongwu. The only thing sadder than dying from an unrequited love is forcing the person to be with you through obligation and guilt. It's not Seongwu's fault that Daniel's not enough; that there'll always be someone better - someone who's more attractive, funnier, smarter... everything he's not.

So Daniel just nods, forcing his mouth to turn up at the corners. Because the least he can do is give Seongwu the freedom of having a better partner and a better life.

He should've known from the day Seongwu handed him that lovely bouquet of lilies that they would never last. Daniel's the wilted grass no one bothers to glance at while Seongwu's the most vibrant flower in the entire garden. Seongwu and him; they're from two different worlds. They could never make it.

He tries his best to resist it, but he can't help but be a little selfish. He... he needs to confirm Seongwu's feelings. So, with a deep sigh, Daniel looks him dead in the eyes and asks what he's wanted to know for weeks now.

"Do you love me?"

Seongwu's eyes widen considerably, noticeably not expecting the question.

"I- Of course I do, what are you talking about?" He professes, but his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, and the second of hesitation is all Daniel needs as confirmation.

Daniel immediately excuses himself and barely makes it to the bathroom before emptying out several pale petals into the toilet. They're bigger this time and come in larger quantities.

Paying no mind to his queasy stomach and sore throat, he flushes the petals away like they were never there.

Seongwu doesn't come to check on him. A part of him withers, but the larger, more rational portion is grateful. Too many questions and not enough answers, he reasons with himself while rinsing the blood out of his mouth.

They sit down for dinner together. Merely a few minutes pass when the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it," Daniel tells Seongwu. Quickly wiping his mouth and washing his hands, he heads to the front door and opens it.

A young woman stands behind the door. Her makeup is lightly done, enhancing her soft features and bringing out her hazel eyes.

"Hi," she greets cheerfully. "I'm Vanessa." He recognizes her voice right away as the same one from last night.

He transfigures his expression into a warm, welcoming one. "Hey, how can I help you?"

He already knows what she's going to say before she even opens her mouth, but it still hurts. "Is Seongwu here?" She asks, discreetly peering around him.

He doesn't have a chance to reply because the man in question himself appears. He puts a hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"Hey V, what're you doing here?"

He zones out and awkwardly steps back as they chat. For some reason, he feels extremely out of place even though it's his own house.

The use of his name brings his attention back to them.

"Daniel, you don't mind if V joins us for dinner, right?"

He can already feel a painful burst of coughs coming, but he manages to choke out, "I don't mind," anyway.

Vanessa slides off her heels and shrugs off her parka.

Daniel looks away as she places a hand on Seongwu's bicep. He silently leaves to the bathroom, but he doesn't make it this time. The petals are retched out of him in uncontrollable bursts. He sinks to his knees, leaning against the wall for leverage. He's there for at least a whole minute, alone the entire time. He can hear the happy chatter and occasional laughter from down the hall. By the time the petals stop coming, there's an entire ring of pink around him. He swipes his bottom lip with his thumb and sure enough, it's covered in blood.

He gathers the lily petals in his arms and heads to the bathroom to clean up.

Upon returning to the dining room, he finds the two sitting across from each other. And, God forbid, she's picking off pieces of the chicken and hand feeding them to him. Daniel swallows to refrain from vomiting.

Seongwu pushes her hand away, which makes Daniel smile a little.

"You okay?" Seongwu asks as Daniel slides into the seat next to him.

"Yeah, everything's fine." He gives him his biggest smile. Seongwu reaches for his hand under the table and squeezes it.

"Since when were you left-handed?" Vanessa questions, eyeing Seongwu's hidden hand. Daniel smirks around the spoonful of rice in his mouth.

"I'm ambidextrous," he explains. She nods in understanding (although Daniel doubts she even knows what the word means).

Dinner goes well after that, besides Vanessa's not-so-unnoticeable glares shot at Daniel and her terrible flirting towards Seongwu.

After the longest hour of his life, she finally leaves.

That night, Daniel gets the best sleep he's gotten in a while. He doesn't even realize that he didn't get the pills, but he doesn't need them to fall asleep tonight.

Daniel's euphoria is short-lived, though. When he wakes up the next morning, he reaches for Seongwu's hand, only to be met with nothing. His heart drops and the familiar ache in his chest resurfaces. He doesn't bother attempting to reach the bathroom. He already knows he won't be able to make it. He curls in on himself, willing the pain to go away. He focuses on a framed photo on the wall. It's a photo his friend, Jihoon, took of Seongwu and him. In the photo, Daniel's beaming at the camera, but Seongwu hadn't realized a picture of them was being taken.

His gaze was on Daniel. His expression was so full of love and adoration that it makes his heart clench uncomfortably. Seongwu had looked at him like he was the only thing in the world... like he was his whole world. Oh, how Daniel wishes Seongwu would look at him now with such fondness.

He tears his eyes away from the photo. It isn't helping to ease the suffering that is now spreading throughout his entire body - his hands are trembling tremendously, and sudden, sharp stabs of pain everywhere from his feet to his head assault him. It feels like knives and needles.

After what feels like hours of agony, his throat is finally temporarily clear of petals. The amount of them on his pillow is concerning, but he can't bring himself to care anymore.

He changes the bedsheets into new ones that are free of blood.

Countless trips to the bathroom have quickly become a daily routine of his. He's become familiarized with being crouched over the toilet bowl, both hands gripping opposite sides, shaking with the effort of supporting his weight. He squeezes his eyes shut so he can pretend that this isn't happening, that none of this is real; that he'll wake up from this nightmare with Seongwu's arms around him, keeping him close. And he would look at him with that loving look on his face...

Sobs escape Daniel in between painful lurches. A tear falls, then another, and another, until the steady beat of droplets hitting the floating flowers fill the room, but he can't even cry properly because he's too busy trying not to choke on the flowers clawing up his throat.

He collapses onto the floor, unable to care anymore because it hurts so much and he's just so tired. Tired of being terrified to go to sleep with the possibility that he might not wake up the next day. Tired of constantly fretting about where Seongwu is and who he's with and what they're doing and if he's forgotten all about him and-

Simply tired of not being good enough. Because that's the cause of all of this, isn't it?

Daniel can't bring himself to blame Seongwu even if he wants to.

To distract himself from drowning in self-pity, he decides to go for a walk.

Although it is rather cold outside, hence the newly fallen snow lining the ground and dripping icicles hanging from rooves, he feels numb. The only thing he focuses on are his alternating steps; one in front of the other, going somewhere but having no destination in mind.

Daniel makes a left turn towards the neighborhood park. Despite the chilly air, there are a few kids playing by the slide. They're all crouched around something. As he steps closer, he realizes there's a single daisy amongst the snow with petals as white as the snow. One of the kids - a little girl with curly brown hair - wraps her hand around the stem and pulls the flower out of the ground, taking the roots with it. She picks off a petal and with it, the words, "he loves me," comes out of her mouth. It dawns on him what they're doing.

Daniel watches as the children play the classic game of "he loves me, he loves me not," picking off the petals one by one. He watches the petals fall to the ground; the daisy quickly losing its beauty, leaving behind only a flimsy stem.

For him, each petal that falls into his awaiting, trembling hands is a reminder of his twisted fate. No matter how many petals from however many flowers fall, the end result will always be the same. Petal by petal, he learns to accept that, inevitably, he loves him not.

Sensing another wave of nausea, Daniel hastily raises his hand to cover his mouth and weakly coughs into his open palm. He lets his hand fall to his side, crushing the pale pink petals inside.

Lilies used to be my favorite flower, he thinks with a heavy sigh.

Before he knows it, tears are streaming down his face like a waterfall. He brings his hands to his eyes to brush the tears away, but it's no use as they just keep on coming. How pathetic, he thinks to himself. You're a 22-year-old grown man and you're crying like a child.

"Excuse me, mister. Are you okay?" The little girl who had been picking the petals off of the daisy is now standing in front of him, eyes wide and mouth forming a slight pout.

Daniel offers her a smile. He debates whether or not to say, "no, I'm not okay," and pour his entire sob story onto her, but he decides against it. After all, she's just a little girl. She wouldn't understand anyway.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, it's just... something got in my eye, that's all."

Her frown deepens. She spots something pink peaking out of his clenched hand. She points to it. "What's that?"

Daniel flinches slightly. After a brief moment of hesitation, he opens his palm to show the little girl. "They're lily petals," he explains.

Her eyes light up. "Woah, they're so pretty! Where'd you find them?"

He pauses, unsure of how to tell her that he didn't find them anywhere; rather, they had found him. He settles for a simple answer. "Actually, they're a part of me." He continues when she gives him a blank look. "Lillies are growing inside me. Sometimes I choke on them, so I have to cough them out."

"What? Why? Doesn't it hurt a lot?" She wonders.

He has to take a deep breath before replying. "Yes... yes, it hurts a lot. It feels like a thousand needles in my lungs, heart, throat... It hurts so much that I can't do more than lay on the ground and wait for the pain to pass. And it's because..." The next part was difficult to get out. "My boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't love me, but I still love him, and before I knew it, the flowers had taken over my body."

"That's terrible! Make him love you again. I'll help you!"

Daniel chuckles miserably. "That's not how it works. If he knows, it'll just get worse. I can't force him to have feelings for me. If anything, I'd die quicker." Although I would really prefer that, a little voice in his head unhelpfully adds.

The little girl furrows her eyebrows, appearing to be deep in thought. She opens her mouth, but then a woman sitting on a bench in the park calls her over.

"Okay, mom!" She yells back. She turns back towards me. "I have to go home and eat lunch." To my surprise, she hugs me. "Get better. You don't deserve to die," she whispers. He wants to cry at her sincerity.

That's exactly what he does as soon as she turns her back towards him.

Upon returning to his house, Daniel collapses onto the couch and groans into his hands. That night, Seongwu returns far later than he should.

He does the same the next night, and the night after that, and before Daniel knows it, a week passes.

He falls asleep alone each and every night and wakes up alone each and every morning.

Eventually, he becomes too sick to go to work.

On the tenth day of laying around and doing nothing, he decides he's tired of moping and calls Jihoon to come keep him company.

The second the doorbell rings, Daniel flings himself off the couch. He swings the door open and throws himself onto Jihoon, sobbing into his shirt. Jihoon is frozen for a second, but quickly recovers and moves his hands to soothingly rub Daniel's back.

"C'mon, let's go inside," Jihoon mumbles, gently pushing him inside and softly closing the door behind them. Daniel pulls his knees to his chest and quietly sniffles as he waits for Jihoon.

Jihoon puts a bag on the kitchen island. "I dropped by the bakery today. Guanlin managed to smuggle me some pastries, so I decided to bring them. The blueberry scones are really good. I think you'll like them." He takes it out of the bag and holds it out towards Daniel. "Here, try-"

"I'm dying."

Jihoon nearly drops the scone in shock. He carelessly places it on the table. Sitting down beside Daniel, he worriedly peers at his darkened face. "W-what did you say?"

Daniel sighs, exasperated. "I said I'm dying," he repeats in the same emotionless tone.

"What the hell do you mean? You're... dying?"

Daniel turns away. "Hanahaki disease," he begins. "Seongwu, he... doesn't love me in that way anymore."

Jihoon stands up, infuriated. "That bastard!" He takes a deep breath as an attempt to calm himself and his next words are quieter. "How long?"

Daniel looks down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. "A week and a half," he admits under his breath.

"And how long until..?"

"The doctor said anywhere between two and five weeks."

Jihoon's expression turns grim. "The surgery?" He asks despite already knowing Daniel's reply.

"I'd rather die than stop loving Seongwu."

Daniel breaks down, tears cascading down his face. Jihoon embraces him, offering soft words of comfort. The gesture is nice, but in the end, it's useless.

Jihoon's heart breaks a little more after each helpless sob. He has been there since the start of their relationship. He can tell that Daniel truly, unconditionally loves Seongwu. He wishes he could help, but he's neither a fairy nor a genie. So, he does the best he can, but he, of course, has his own life to get back to. Nevertheless, Daniel is grateful for his support. Left with nothing else to do, he turns in early for the night. He's exhausted from constantly crying and is fast asleep before long. He doesn't even realize that he has skipped dinner.

The doctor has given him three days. Daniel knows he's close - his coughs come more often and have gotten more severe, and the pain is always present - but hearing her confirmation is when it really seeps in. This isn't some horrible, twisted joke. His death is really mere days away. He tries to convince himself that it'll be better after he passes; when he's gone, the pain will also be gone. The truth is, he's afraid of dying; terrified, even. He doesn't want to leave his loved ones. He doesn't want to be lost and forgotten in an endless black void. He doesn't want to think about how after he's out of the picture, Seongwu will briefly grieve, most likely just because he's expected to, but before long, he'll be occupied with someone else. How long, he wonders, will it take for everyone to forget about him? Seongwu will be busy with the new love of his life, Jihoon has Guanlin, and he's never been too important to any of his other friends. Truth be told, no one will miss him that much.

Oh, he realizes far too late, I'm always the second choice.

Seongwu comes home early the next day. Daniel is lying on the couch. The TV is on, but he isn't paying any attention to it. He stares at the ceiling, eyes unblinking. He doesn't acknowledge Seongwu and he makes no actions to show that he is even aware of his presence.

"Hey, I got sushi. Your favorite." Daniel stays silent.

"Um, help yourself. I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom." Daniel doesn't reply. He remains as still as a statue. Sushi is his favorite, but he hasn't had much of an appetite for the past few weeks.

He supposes dying does tend to have that effect on people.

Suddenly, Seongwu appears in the living room. "Why are there flower petals on the bathroom floor?"

Shit.

Daniel puts on an indifferent mask. "Oh, I bought some flowers today. Sorry, it must've fallen. I didn't notice." He gets up. "I'll go-"

"Bullshit." Seongwu crosses his arms in front of his chest. "You haven't left the house for days now, don't think I haven't noticed." Daniel opens his mouth to argue, but Seongwu continues without missing a beat. "Besides, that doesn't explain why the fuck there's blood covering them."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Daniel!" Seongwu's pleading voice pulls Daniel's gaze to him. "Just tell me what's wrong. Please!"

All of a sudden, Daniel's lungs and heart betray him at the worst possible moment. The temporarily dormant flowers, rushing up and out of his throat like a volcano eruption. He doesn't get a chance to take a breath before his throat is filled. Knees buckling, he drops to the floor and weakly curls in on himself with a sharp cry. His vision blurs and his ears are pounding.

"Daniel!" Seongwu rushes to his side, rubbing his back. Daniel collapses onto his chest, whole lilies being retched out. Tears come out from both physical and emotional pain. They stain Seongwu's shirt, but he couldn't care less.

"Oh, love, I'm so sorry... It's all my fault. I love you so much, please don't leave me..." Even as Daniel's fading in and out of consciousness, he musters up enough energy and mutters, "Now you know how I felt."

Seongwu takes him in his arms and runs to the nearest hospital. They do the best they can, but it's all in vain.

He never wakes up.

Seongwu stays at home alone on the day of his funeral, unable to make himself see him; his once beautiful and affectionate face now dull and lifeless.

His friends eventually stop trying to bring him to go out with them. He spends most of his remaining days either doing nothing or flipping through old photos of Daniel and him. He hasn't seen the sun in days, weeks, or even months - he stopped counting, or caring - and his body has grown frail and thin, bones jutting out unnaturally.

Before he knows it, a year passes and it's December once again. On the 10th, he pulls on a winter coat that's now several sizes too big and heads out the door, a bouquet of lilies in his hand. He walks on blankets of snow, unaffected by the falling snowflakes. By the time he reaches the cemetery, an inch-thick pile of snow has gathered on the top of his head and his teeth are chattering impossibly loudly. Ignoring his protesting body pleading for him to find warmth, he walks around, trying to find it. At last, when he's standing in front of the tombstone with Daniel's name on it, he kneels down on one knee and faces towards it. He gently places the bouquet by the tombstone with trembling hands that are red from the cold.

"Happy birthday, Daniel."

There really has never been, and will never be, anyone else for him.

 

fin.


End file.
